On Love, Life, and Bullshit: For All the Single Ladies and Gents This Holiday Season

I am in love. I’ve waited my entire life to feel this way, wondering, waiting, wishing for it to happen and it finally has! I’ve never been happier. I’ve never felt so complete, so fulfilled, so radiant even! Life is grand and I finally see it that way. I’ve finally come to this place of true acceptance. Who am I in love with? Myself!

This time of year is often difficult and sometimes lonely for me: I’m one of few amongst my family and friends who isn’t in a long term relationship and most everyone close to me is married. Not to mention, my family is extraordinarily traditional and also extraordinarily pushy. My parents/aunts/uncles/grandma/cousins have been trying to get me married with kids for the past 10 years. Every family gathering, I’m asked numerous questions about when I’ll be getting married, what I’m waiting for, etc. My father and other family have even been showing my picture to any eligible bachelors they encounter in their networks. I haven’t been interested in any of these people. They think I’m too picky. If you’re reading this: I love you and thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want or need the help.

I’m single by choice, not because I don’t want to get married (because I do) but because I would much rather be alone than be with the wrong person. I’ve witnessed in the relationships of some very close to me a lack of respect, lack of communication, lack of trust, lack of the essentials I want for my own marriage, yet these people are still married because there is “love” there. That type of “love” doesn’t fit my definition of love.

It has taken me all my life, witnessing these bad relationships, and fighting through heartaches from my own past relationships to finally know what real romantic love is.

Any love that doesn’t serve you isn’t love. It’s bullshit.

If love isn’t fully mutual and uplifting, if someone doesn’t want to be with you, if someone doesn’t speak both of you and to you with respect, if someone doesn’t trust you, back you, work through your differences with you, communicate with you, if you find yourself more often than not doubting, wondering if there’s better, not feeling secure, then even though you may think you are madly in love, it isn’t real love. It’s sacrifice. It’s subservience. It’s bullshit.

I’ve been there. I’ve thought that I was in love when I wasn’t. I thought that someone not trying meant I needed to try harder. I was wrong. I want, deserve, and will have true romantic love. We all deserve this. Thankfully, I’ve found this now in myself and know that one day, I’ll find this with someone else too.

Whenever you feel lonely, especially this holiday season so focused on lovers and perfect little family units, look within yourself, look at everything that makes you a beautiful, unique, totally-deserving-of-real-love human being, smile, and be thankful that you aren’t in the wrong relationship. Be thankful for the bullets you’ve dodged! Be thankful for the lessons you’ve learned! Be thankful that you are the king or queen of your own life, calling the shots, and stay positive in knowing that one day, romantic love will happen for you. You don’t need anyone else. The right relationship will arise out of love, not need. In the meantime, and even when that relationship comes, just focus on loving the shit out of your badass self.

Happy new year, everyone!
Wishing you all the best in love and life for 2017, M.B.

Inspire others and share your happily single story: info@brushpassapp.com If we publish it, we’ll of course give you the credit.

Trouble Getting It Up: A Christmas True Love Story

We couldn’t get it up! No matter how hard we tried, no matter what we did, it kept flopping one way, flopping another, falling one way, falling another. It was getting really late that night, so he said he would come over again the next night. I thought, yeah right. This guy is not coming back.

He said that the first time he saw me was when I was taking a dip in our apartment building’s pool. He came out and said hi, and I didn’t think anything of it. After a while, we became friends and it was Christmas time. I needed help getting my Christmas tree, and he gladly obliged. We brought a beautiful tree into my apartment and then got to work getting it into the stand. For some reason no matter what we did, we couldn’t get the tree up!

He did come back the next night and told me he had a dream about returning the tree to get a better one. That was exactly what we did, and we were laughing the whole way to the Christmas tree lot and back. We got a beautiful tree that did stay straight in the stand. We got it up! More sparks flew, and that was how my relationship with my husband began.

This is a friend’s true story as told by M.B.

Did you meet your other half in an unexpected way? Inspire others by sharing your story to info@brushpassapp.com. If we publish it, we will of course credit you.

Kissing Superman

“He looks like Superman! Why didn’t you want to kiss him?” My friend looked at me incredulously. I said, “I just didn’t feel the chemistry.”

He was what some would call perfect: intelligent, great sense of humor, conversation flowed on our dates, and on top of it all, very good looking. What was the problem? I just wasn’t feeling it.

Attraction can be largely based on looks, but there are other factors: how someone carries themselves, how they speak. There’s the dynamic when two people are together and the unspoken sometimes palpable connection felt between two. For some reason, with Mr. Superman, it wasn’t there on my end even though I could tell he was into me. What was wrong with me?! Many women would have been completely happy and totally enamored by him. I was enamored to a certain extent, but more in a friend kind of way.

Chemistry is a feeling of want, desire, lust, and connection. It is a very important factor in who we choose to date and who we choose to be in a relationship with. However, I’ve dated someone where the chemistry was mutual, powerful, and lasting but we weren’t on the same page. Even though the chemistry never died, the relationship did.

Other factors play a significant role in the balance of relationships and there are questions we should ask ourselves. Does this person add to my life? How do I add to theirs? Do I feel completely comfortable with this person? Are they comfortable with me? Do I feel that together as a couple, we can grow? Do we have the same goals for our future together? Are we on the same page?

Everyone has different wants. Everyone has different needs. At the end of the day, chemistry is a vital piece of the dating journey but it is one piece of the sometimes complicated, sometimes messy, but completely worth-it-all picture.

I wish you lasting chemistry with your Superman or Superwoman and fun dating adventures with BrushPass if you’re still on your way to your superhero.

M.B.