I am in love. I’ve waited my entire life to feel this way, wondering, waiting, wishing for it to happen and it finally has! I’ve never been happier. I’ve never felt so complete, so fulfilled, so radiant even! Life is grand and I finally see it that way. I’ve finally come to this place of true acceptance. Who am I in love with? Myself!
This time of year is often difficult and sometimes lonely for me: I’m one of few amongst my family and friends who isn’t in a long term relationship and most everyone close to me is married. Not to mention, my family is extraordinarily traditional and also extraordinarily pushy. My parents/aunts/uncles/grandma/cousins have been trying to get me married with kids for the past 10 years. Every family gathering, I’m asked numerous questions about when I’ll be getting married, what I’m waiting for, etc. My father and other family have even been showing my picture to any eligible bachelors they encounter in their networks. I haven’t been interested in any of these people. They think I’m too picky. If you’re reading this: I love you and thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want or need the help.
I’m single by choice, not because I don’t want to get married (because I do) but because I would much rather be alone than be with the wrong person. I’ve witnessed in the relationships of some very close to me a lack of respect, lack of communication, lack of trust, lack of the essentials I want for my own marriage, yet these people are still married because there is “love” there. That type of “love” doesn’t fit my definition of love.
It has taken me all my life, witnessing these bad relationships, and fighting through heartaches from my own past relationships to finally know what real romantic love is.
Any love that doesn’t serve you isn’t love. It’s bullshit.
If love isn’t fully mutual and uplifting, if someone doesn’t want to be with you, if someone doesn’t speak both of you and to you with respect, if someone doesn’t trust you, back you, work through your differences with you, communicate with you, if you find yourself more often than not doubting, wondering if there’s better, not feeling secure, then even though you may think you are madly in love, it isn’t real love. It’s sacrifice. It’s subservience. It’s bullshit.
I’ve been there. I’ve thought that I was in love when I wasn’t. I thought that someone not trying meant I needed to try harder. I was wrong. I want, deserve, and will have true romantic love. We all deserve this. Thankfully, I’ve found this now in myself and know that one day, I’ll find this with someone else too.
Whenever you feel lonely, especially this holiday season so focused on lovers and perfect little family units, look within yourself, look at everything that makes you a beautiful, unique, totally-deserving-of-real-love human being, smile, and be thankful that you aren’t in the wrong relationship. Be thankful for the bullets you’ve dodged! Be thankful for the lessons you’ve learned! Be thankful that you are the king or queen of your own life, calling the shots, and stay positive in knowing that one day, romantic love will happen for you. You don’t need anyone else. The right relationship will arise out of love, not need. In the meantime, and even when that relationship comes, just focus on loving the shit out of your badass self.
Happy new year, everyone!
Wishing you all the best in love and life for 2017, M.B.
Inspire others and share your happily single story: firstname.lastname@example.org If we publish it, we’ll of course give you the credit.