To Swipe or Not to Swipe

So many dating apps, so little time. But it’s not the time to date I’m lacking. Well, let me rephrase that. I am extraordinarily busy, with work, staying active, trying to get enough sleep, making time for my hobbies, making time for my friends, the endless cycle of cleaning and laundry, and trying to BALANCE. IT. ALL. But I would (and do) make time for dates. It’s the swiping I don’t have time for. Once I get going, it’s hard not to keep going, wondering if “the one” is just one swipe away… or the next… or the next…. Before I know it, ten minutes of my precious life has been sucked away. I must be a masochist because I’ll repeat the self torture later in the day… and again… and again...

They say you should make split second decisions with the swiping, not analyzing the profiles too much. After all, we know within seconds if we find someone we meet attractive or not. But when you’re actually interested in a REAL relationship, it’s hard to casually swipe like the game it’s meant to be. I’d like to have an actual conversation with someone. I’d like to see someone standing in front of me and decide in real life if we have any chemistry or not.

We do have other options in the app dating world where there isn’t a seemingly endless stack of cards to swipe through. I’ve definitely tried them all, but the same problem exists with the profile analyzation. Is he tall enough? Too many selfies? Too self absorbed? Does he have a real job? Is he even a good person? This one seems like a contender! Oh wait. He can’t spell.

Maybe I’m being too picky or not picky enough. How can we even tell? And the scary fact of the matter is that anyone coming across my profile is doing the exact same thing and judging every picture, what I’ve written about myself (if they care who I am past what I look like), and deciding if I’m worthy of a little flick of a finger to the right.

There is a better way.

M.B.

Productive Relationships as Growth Opportunities

Productive Relationships are those that uplift us, support our growth, broaden our views, and provide a space for mutual exploration. These are not limited to a certain type or level of commitment, although they all share one common denominator – they share a bond of authentic love. Sometimes, it can be with a person who lives far away and there is no physical intimacy but, rather, exchanging stories and building dreams. Sometimes, it can show up with a person who isn’t looking for a life-long commitment but who does, nevertheless, value connection and living in the moment with you. Productive relationships that leave a significant impact on you are worthy of discovery, whether they last a while or stay with you for just a moment. These are the relationships through which you uncover your depth and your ability to truly love another human being. When you experience productive relationships, you most often lose your lists of criteria for that perfect person and, instead, gain appreciation for other personalities and other ways of achieving happiness. Most importantly, you know that even if one relationship ends, a different one will come along and empower you in new and beautiful ways. So, take chances with people and allow them to show you something special. Don't try to make them all fit a certain format, but appreciate them for walking into your life and leaving a lasting memory.

Y.K.

Uncertainty in dating is powerful

When finding love becomes your utmost priority, you can’t help but find yourself battling with the dating world, resisting it and all the uncertainty that it brings. Finding love begins to feel tiring and, most likely, uninspiring. You wonder why the process has to be filled with so much anxiety. Well, it does! It has to be filled with anxiety because you have to be invested in the outcome – wanting the best loving relationship for yourself implies risk-taking and open-mindedness. The more open you are to different people, the more likely you are to find those who don’t rock your world. The reward to being open is, however, self-discovery. Are you kind? Are you patient or do you “flip” as soon as you feel like you’re in a fog? Even if you are feeling uncomfortable while dating, you always get to choose who you want to be with that person. One thing that you can do no matter how you’re feeling behind closed doors is listen. Actively listening to someone is the greatest impact that can come from your interaction. So, when you start feeling anxious about dating and uncertainty, focus on what you want to create for another person when they interact with you. Do you want them to feel relaxed or energized? What kind of action can you take to make someone feel that way? In doing so, you are experimenting with your approach and you are in the process of giving rather than expecting or taking. Your mindset is something you can define, and your heart is always something you can keep open, because it is the light and the warmth that radiates from you that makes all the difference in the world. I’ve read this amazing quote the other day “Both security and freedom are acts of the imagination. Neither of them are fundamental realities”. When you start understanding that feeling both free and secure cannot be given or taken away by anyone, you no longer associate that feeling with the other person. Instead of being anxious with the uncertainty of dating, look for that security to come from within you.

Y.K.